i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
