id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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