She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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