She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
