I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
