At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
honey bunches of taint.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
i out mim tonsoeep
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