Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I would fuck him just for his dog
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
