true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
ok first of all what the fuck
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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