We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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