i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
