nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
