get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
