i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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