$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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