i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
