Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My balls are so social today.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Randomize
