i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
