I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
