Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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