so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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