i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
