How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Will exercising make me less horny?
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