i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
