dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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