omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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