I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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