Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
