This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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