Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
