So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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