if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
