well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
