"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
