who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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