eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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