he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
FUCK WHALES
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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