I must be too annoying 4 u.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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