my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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