I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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