no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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