Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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