she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
