She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize