double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
