Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my being single is dangerous.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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