I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
