ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
