I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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