I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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