Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
