You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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