You can't motorboat a personality
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
