We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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