Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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