ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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