He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
