HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I love you. Go after that dick
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
