and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
