if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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