i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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