Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
