so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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