My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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