My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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