so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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