Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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