Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Success! We fucked roommates!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
