plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize