We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
