he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
