yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
