just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
