Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I want to fling myself into the sun
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
